Anatomy of a Short Christmas Flight

During Boarding....

"Good morning! Welcome aboard! Where are you sitting, sir? Oh, 1D and 1E? Ok, here, let me put that bag up above for you while you get comfortable. And I'm sorry, I'll need to put your cane and your wife's purse overhead as well. I'm sorry, you can't keep it under your seat, but it's just for take off and landing. If you need it during flight let me know and I'll get it down for you. Thank you."

A little later....

"Hello! Welcome aboard! Yes, ma'am, I know your grandson's looking forward to that Thomas the Tank Engine set, but since the bins directly above your seat are full, please feel free to use any of the overhead bins. Those, unlike your seats, are un-assigned and are shared."

"Please hold onto your coats, folks, to save room for larger bags. We'll tuck your coats around them later so your coats won't get dirty.....If you would, hold onto your coats, please.......sir, would your mind holding your coat for just a few minutes until all the large bags are in the overhead bins? Thanks....." (oh, good grief.) Shouting: "Free headsets to anyone who holds onto a coat, your purse or small backpack! Free headsets to anyone with a coat in their lap! Get a free headset!"

Later still...

"Someone's in your seat? I'm sorry, we'll get this figured out." I check both boarding passes and one slightly mentally challenged gentleman is in the wrong seat. "Sir, I know he's in your seat but if you wouldn't mind taking his seat a few rows back, I'll be happy to buy your TV for you. Oh, thank you for your kindness. Merry Christmas."

I take care of my briefs, the safety demo, and passenger compliance for take-off. I sit in my jumpseat and discuss the remainder of the flight with my seat-mate:

"Taryn wants to know can we share cashless cabin devices because hers isn't working right."

"Sure. Oh, and we have 8 wheelchairs when we land."

"EIGHT? Holy cow!"

"Yep, and a UM, and a meet-and-assist that doesn't need a chair, plus an electric cart."

"Well, I like verifying chairs with passengers, so I'll go through and do that after service if you'd like."

"Great."

"Oh....with this many senior citizens we're likely to need decaf today, so why don't you go ahead and make a pot."

"Really? Ok."

"If I'm wrong, you can tell me, "I told you so!" (Of course, not a single person asks for decaf)

During beverage service, which goes rather smoothly.....

"Diet Coke.....Diet Coke....Regular Coke....coffee, two creams....orange juice....Diet Coke....tomato juice....tomato juice with lemon slice....water, no ice....coffee, black.....oh, and a water, too.....ginger ale.....oj....Diet Coke....etc." "No, I'm sorry, we don't carry blankets anymore." "Oh, you're going to see your grandchildren? How exciting! Hmmm hmmmm.....hmmm hmmmm....yes, he's a nice son.....hmmm hmmmm....did you want something to dr....mmm hmmm....uh huh...oh, painful feet....that must be awful....mmm hmm.......well, I'll come back and check on you in a few minutes...you're welcome."

I verify all those wheelchairs which reassures them and let's them know their request didn't get lost in the system somewhere: "Will there also be a chair for me in Dayton? In Milwaukee? In Orlando? Will someone be able to push me all the way to the curb where my granddaughter is picking me up?"

And of course - "Yes, ma'am, we've got the chair ordered for you in Denver and in Akron. Yes, I know, you're going to see your grandchildren....Two and half years? They must be so excited to see you, too......mmmhmmmm.....mmmm hmmm....oh, callouses....no wonder your feet hurt so much....mmm hmmm...well, next time just let security know.....sure....mmm hmmm......six months ago? You must miss him terribly.....mmm hmmmm......"

Getting ready to land...

"Can we please just double check your seat back, sir? Thank you. Ma'am, can you please make sure your bag is tucked all the way under the seat in front of you? Thank you. Excuse me, ma'am, but can you please place your bag under the seat in front of you? Yes, I know, but we want to make sure all foot area is nice and clear in case we have to leave in a hurry; we don't want anyone's feet getting tangled, do we? Thank you."

And after landing....

"Good-bye....Good-bye....Thank you....Merry Christmas....Good-bye....yes, ma'am, your wheelchair is right here waiting for you....Good-bye....Thank you....Thank you...Have a good week....You, too, Merry Christmas....Yes, ma'am, just check with the gate agent at the top of the ramp.....Yes, sir, your wheelchair is right here....Thank you....Well, thank you! We enjoyed flying with you, too....Good-bye....You have a Merry Christmas, too, ma'am. Tell your grandchildren hello from me, and be sure and take care of those feet!"